the bigass purple thing
by Kazimierz
Summary: ITS BIG... ITS LONG... AND ITS PURPLE
1. Chapter 1

/authors note/  
It's 1:30 am I just had my birthday party and I decided to shitpost cause I'm on my 12th diet coke. Also for anyone new here read the story "moose tits" first

So pearl was in the kitchen when Steven burst into the room "PEARL HELP I'VE BEEN SEXUALLY HARASSED BY A NAKED MAN!" Then pears suddenly grew a fish head and shouted "YOU WHAT!" and so then pearl, Steven, amethyst and garnet all went to find the naked man.

/420 minutes later/

So they tracked him down to a cave a few miles out of town and when they entered the cave they saw over 9000 rolled up newspapers and atop a hill of newspapers there was a toilet and on that toilet was none other than the man, the myth, the legend... moose tits.

Now was not as impressive looking as I make him seem ya see he was just your average crazy homeless guy doing average crazy things. He looked like a homeless guy and he smelled like a homeless guy but no... is actually the king of all Britons as he crowned himself in a shopping cart at the local walmart. So in his homeless guy mind he thought "these lesbian ass niggas are trying to take mah motherfuckin toilet"

So as the gems charged at him he grabbed a random moist newspaper and he dueled the gems and I'm not gonna lie he was really shit compared to them. But as he was kicked off the hill Sparta style he grabbed something out of his pocket and it was... a dildo

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

A purple dildo to be exact. and so he slapped Steven in the face and then he told everyone to surrender cause moose tits had a dangerous weapon. but sadly amethyst and garnet didn't listen and so they both got slapped in the face with the dildo and then they died of dildo cancer.

"nooooooooo" Steven shouted but then moose tits spoke and said "bitch gtfo of my cave before I beat yo ass" and so pearl said "ok" but as she was leaving with Steven she said "don't talk to me or my son ever again" and then they walked back to they're shitty house

THE END  
PART 1 OF 3


	2. Chapter 2

/authors note/  
This took me3 days and I still don't really like it :/

"pearl why did you say don't talk to me or my son ever again when we left the cave?" Steven asked as they walked into they're dumbass house "cause its a meme you fucking normie" she said angrily running into a hole in the wall "wot" he said as the hole in the wall disappeared.

/authors note/  
Here's the meme  
/memes/dont-talk-to-me-or-my-son-ever-again?full=1

It has been over 9000 weeks since the last paragraph and pearl hasn't been seen since she walked through the random hole in the wall. So steven now is at the cave where he met the homeless guy that he called moose tits and as he walked into the cave to defeat the self proclaimed king of all Britons he thought about all the times over the past 9001 weeks that moose tits ran around the town yelling and slapping his balls with a rolled up newspaper. Just yesterday he broke into Stevens house and rubbed his balls in Stevens face while he was shoving the newspaper down Stevens throat and so he finally decided to end his reign of terror.

So was sitting on his toilet/royal throne when a fat manchild walked into his cave and so he said "who DARES to disturb moose tits wielder of the magic purple dildo and KING of all Britons, rolled up newspapers and of YOU"

But Steven didn't say anything as he charged at him with his shield but moose tits dodged the charging manchild and pulled his purple dildo out of his hat and pointed it at Steven "I don't wanna hurt you kid" said "just back off before you gets hurt" he continued. But Steven was out for blood and he charged again he hit moose right in the face with hos shield.

"REEEEEEEEEEEE" moose tits yelled as he pressed a button on the back of the dildo as the dildo started to grow bigger moose said "muhuhuhaha ur to late faggot I win" but Steven just stood there confused "wot" he said as the purple dildo got bigger "my dildo is going to kill everyone dumbass" moose tits said as the big long dildo flew out of the cave of newspapers so Steven bonked(tm) moose tits on the head and ran out to save the world from the big, long, purple dildo.

THE END  
PART 2 OF 3


	3. Chapter 3

/authors note/  
dicks lol

So as Steven was running to wherever the fuck the place was called he was thinking about how if you eat to many peanuts you really need to shit and it gets all watery and disgusting.

And 420 seconds later he saw it... The giant dildo was fucking random people in the ass so Steven grabbed the dildo and threw it in a trash can... The end yep that's it... writers block is a bitch ain't it.

Ok no I'm not ending it like that.

So when Steven threw the purple dildo in the trash can pearl threw it back at Steven saying "I don't want this nasty shit in mah trash hole you horsefucker" so Steven got fucked in the ass by the big purple dildo.

Now I'm not gonna describe what happened cause that's disgusting. Like srsly nobody wants to read that shit and I sure as hell don't want to write it.

And so after the ass fucking Steven decided to not give a fuck about anything anymore and so he just walked away... Yep that's it for realz this time... Steven just fucked off... And the entire world got fucked by the dildo... And pearl was to crazy to do anything about it... the end... I really fucking hate this chapter... #freekekistan


End file.
